still thinking of someone years later

from our past when something is happening in our present," Loewenber tells Bustle. According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, your dreams can be an invitation to heal a piece of the self that's been hurt or to learn something new about who you are, or who you want to be. Sometimes if you see your ex in a dream, it means that you just want to have what you had with them. That's the message your brain receives, and it's not an accurate or healthy one. It seems whether you stay together or not you’ll likely be in each other’s minds for quite some time in the form of thoughts, memories, or dreams. A word to the wise - if your bf or gf talks about and ex that is … Are they things you're missing currently? It it became long distance relationship. Feeling ashamed and being shamed of never having been in a relationship. I’ve had these conversations with people from all age groups, including people in their seventies. A month after I left she told me she was dating someone new. If you've been actively thinking about someone from your recently or someone brought them up in conversation, it may be more obvious why they are popping up in your dreams. there has not been a single day within these 5 years of knowing this guy that i didn’t think of him. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Some people really struggle with this. You want to have those feelings for someone again. But, of course, the internet has changed that. Why did I go back to him?”, Essentially, these thoughts seemed to be focused on the question “What was wrong with me?” Others would be about an ex and all his decisions and choices—essentially asking “What was wrong with him?”. Finding someone you once knew years ago is much easier than ever before due to the Internet. Some people, unfortunately, can’t let go of their past relationship no matter how hard they try. My first wedding anniversary after my husband died was/would have been our 25th. 20 Years Later I’m Still Thinking About The Bouncer. "The person who 'shows up' is generally symbolic of some aspect of the dreamer’s self; other people are simply conjured up by the psyche to offer a symbolic representation of a certain theme or issue.". They want their ex-lovers out of their heads forever, relegated to a dark and distant part of their minds. Long story short, after 3 years since we dated, I am over him. W hen I was 19, I had my first girlfriend. All relationships teach you something. In my case, i have tried talking to him through text but he rarely bothers to text me first. I continued to think about it year after year, ... is a scrappy youth who acts like a jerk because he lost someone he cared about. Marriage is beautiful, but it can be hard, especially when you are dealing with infidelity years after the affair.. Delete him from your life for a while, and move on. I'm just getting so tired of it.I split from my ex nearly 10 years ago when he met someone else and they got married. Anniversaries are different after a loved one's death. Attention: You are still wondering whether he is thinking about you or not. I know some of the folks here are saying we are not the same people 30, years later, and perhaps we're not, but in some ways we very much are. I’ve generally been accepting of thoughts, memories, or dreams of past relationships popping into my head. We cannot help wonder what might have been with someone we loved and lost. (Note my confused tense. But recently something came up. People often dream about their exes for years after they break up. Or maybe you see a girl you weren't super nice to in college, and you make a mental note to be kinder to your little sister. So we started arguing again. Again, the mind is always looking for the facts to protect you in the future. Trust that this will continue to happen over time. people from your past show up in your dreams. What I'm trying to say is, don't let him hold you back. Thus this easily makes it clear that he is still thinking about you. Rev. Sometimes my mind would wonder what it would be like if it the relationship had worked out. Obviously I still think of him or i wouldnt be back here. Getty Images Getty Images 99% of women said having an abortion was the right choice 5 years later. I wonder how many others on this site are struggling with new waves of grief after the one year mark. Am I? Writing it down allows us to take one step back and defuses the emotion somewhat. Let's not repeat it'" Loewenberg says. Yes, you read correctly, eighteen years. Ricardo Hurtado November 30, 2020 at 6:26 pm Reply. Boyfriend barely texts/ calls me while apart. If you're getting lost in your own thoughts, Habash suggests journaling to help you slow down and really reflect. Get busy. I have never stopped thinking about my ex who was my first love though and just want to know when it will end. 1. "Often, they are representing something for you that has revived importance in your current life, and you can work with the representation rather than the need to track them down. This is probably not a sign; it’s just your mind doing what minds do. Motherhood and Live Life to the Full: Your Guide to Feeling Better Sooner. i understand you, and i would say it's normal. When it doesn’t work out, your mind interprets it as threatening. This will happen more quickly if you don’t engage regularly with your ex. And I learned that in addition to love and attraction, you need to have shared values. It stores every experience, thought, emotion, and encounter — even if you don't consciously realize it. Or fit someone you are involved with right now? Over the past 5 years I periodically Googled her name and didn’t find much (no surprise, really, since I figured she married and changed her name). '[They] speak to us in order to guide us, advise us, and warn us so we can get it right.". i’m jealous of everyone and anyone who comes into contact with him. If you've been actively thinking about someone from your recently or someone … GET MORE FUN & INSPIRING IMAGES & VIDEOS. No matter how hard your breakup, one day it will be just another chapter in your story too. A lot of people (myself included) think this means that they are still in love with them. Its now been 15 months since I lost my husband. Remind yourself it was not a waste of time; it was just time, it was just part of your story. But after realising that there's people who never would want to hurt me and who love me deeply, i saw what was the most important. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Sometimes, you have to take risks. Your memories may have been sweet, and you love thinking about them, but remember, as much as it hurts, it is not what it was like before. Let the distance help you disengage. "Of the three descriptors you chose, do any of them fit you right now? Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life'. And there are more of them than there were before. It's ours. How to Let Go of the Stress and Pressure That Weigh You Down, How Spending Time Alone Helped Me Overcome My Loneliness, 39 Supportive Things to Say to a Male Survivor of Sexual Assault, The First Thing You Need to Do If You Want to Change Your Life, If You’re in a Painful Relationship and Considering Estrangement…. Trust that this will continue to happen over time. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. I guess I was surprised she could find someone that fast. Nadene has two books coming in 2017 Tales from the Parenting Trenches: A Clinical Psychologist vs. A surprise metaphysical visit from your old college roommate or your mean boss from your old internship popping up out of nowhere may seem completely non-sensical, but Loewenberg says that there is always a deeper reason behind everything in your dreams. It will certainly be the first thing we talk about because the room renovation will be very significant here and at Caesars,” said Baumann. I was married for almost 20 years and some of my past some of his grief came back to haunt me in a way that wasn’t helpful period though I have a good relationship with my ex-wife and kids I still struggle being alone in an apartment. Over the years I’ve talked to a lot of people about that one love, the one who got away, the one who it didn’t work out with, the one with whom the timing was bad. “I’m still on medication,” Lianos-Carbone says. Sometimes they would just be memories, triggered by going to certain places or someone asking, “Have you ever been here, done that,” etc. So I again left him after new year of 2019 and told him that I think we really just don't fit because I guess you need someone else beside you and so. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT, and author of 'Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life'. 40 Years Later: Harrah’s AC Still Thinking About The Future. It’s as though they want them stored away in a box in their mind that they never have to open again. In my case, I had daily thoughts about a couple of old relationships for about eighteen years. I still even cry about him and got depressed after not seeing him for so long. In the acute stage of a breakup you almost can’t stop thinking about the relationship, but over time the thoughts become less prominent and less painful. And that made me feel so bad! I think theres something seriously wrong with this but i honestly cant help it, and its pathetic. I put so much energy into that relationship and I am sure the reason that I still think of him was that I was so sure it would work out. Also, minds tend to believe that by thinking and worrying they can make sense or find a solution to the breakup, the “what went wrong” of it all. When you have even one person who loves you, you will survive. So it throws it thoughts, memories, and dreams at you from time to time—in part to help you process the relationship but also to remind you to be careful to not get in the same situation again, in order to protect you from hurt. Then engage yourself in something fun or interesting. It’s been a long time, and you’re still thinking about him or her You’ve likely heard someone say that it takes about half the time the relationship lasted to recover from the break… Who wouldn’t want to be able to mentally exorcise a person who is associated with a painful and confusing time of your life? Some people deliberately keep their ex on their conscious mind by refusing to follow the indefinite no contact rule and other self-imposed rules that allow them to move on. I was so hurt again after that time and because of that, I did not want to be alone, and I met someone and started to date and was even sleeping with him, after month of breakup. Some relationships endings are particularly painful. For example, I learned that I could survive betrayal and the emptiness that comes with the loss of love—that the pain lessens in time. i was in the same boat as well: i'm 25 and still think about her, 3 years after. reporter: on december 12, 2017, boyle was supposed to go to his mom’s house to do laundry, but he never showed up. i hate it so much. Look for closure. So if he still thinks about you, he will be waiting for a chance to get back to you. Long Distance/Online Relationship during separation – Is he an narcissist? Maybe even thinking she'll be back. Your mind recognizes the hurt feelings associated with a breakup as a threat and then starts a plan to protect you from ever experiencing such a hurt again. Somehow I just assumed that things would be easier after a year, but it seems in many ways much harder. Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes it’s just seems annoying and repetitive. Remind yourself that it is normal to want to be loved. Don’t read too much into it. but ive known some people who completely get over someone they were serious with in a year, and some i've known where they never do. I don’t think people realize maternal depression can last for months or years. Let the distance help you disengage. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Basically I started liking this guy literally the first time I saw him many years ago. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. When you wake up scratching your head, completely confused why you just dreamed about your ex-boyfriend's mom or the editor from your college newspaper, Loewenberg suggests asking yourself for the three adjectives that best describe the person's personality or nature. Dr. Manly says that seeing people from the past in a dream means there's a lesson to be learned in your present. Perhaps you were too nervous to tell your middle school crush how you felt, and seeing them in a dream inspires you to ask your cute coworker for a coffee. And still does! I’ve never seen it as a sign of not being ready to be with someone else, and rarely have I tried to get rid of the memories. Don’t ignore the incident or avoid thinking about it. And yet 20 years later I still think of Sarah. But after 4 weeks she contacted me, she wanted her gifts back she gave me. What can you do to handle thoughts and dreams about past relationships? he was supposed to take her home and then come here and d laundry and we never heard from him again. If you always felt judged by your high school choir teacher or never knew how to talk to your best friend's older brother, seeing them in a dream may be a reminder to be more confident in your next staff meeting. "Our dreams are very good at warning us when we fall into the same old patterns or when we get into the same type of relationship," Loewenberg says. Just see it as what minds do. Why did I put up with that for so long? Click here to read more. A dream analyst explains why people from your past still show up in your dreams years later. That was 20 years ago. It's true what they say: "people who hurt you don't matter and people who matter don't hurt you. Emotionally, we think we're giving up something good when we think of making a sacrifice. i still think about him every day. “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~Jon Kabat- Zinn. I was so devastated that I left the country to try to get over her. When you breathe in too many toxins from tragic events, your lungs are affected forever. Getting vulnerable, intimate, and allowing yourself to form an attachment to someone is a major event for your mind. Being alone and lonely is … (Yes, that really did happen.) I have to give my ex credit … In the past such musings just were just pie-in-the-sky daydreams. The main feeling that you are likely experiencing is regret. And I went NC again. These thoughts, amongst others, are now faded memories that I take with me in life, the good and the bad. It's not about me. While it may be your first instinct to reach out to them, Habash suggests taking a moment to really collect your thoughts. Nadene van der Linden is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Perth, Australia. “Why did that happen? Later after passing out from college ( almost after 3 years) he went for further study to Europe. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. If you are significantly troubled by an old relationship—if you have difficulty disengaging from an ex-partner or have been affected by serious relationship trauma such as domestic violence—it’s a good idea to see a psychologist or relationship counselor to help you work through the letting go and moving forward. So, how to deal with infidelity in marriage years later? Fourteen years later, she’s still being treated for the issue. The last time i saw him in person was 2 years ago. I was devastated but young and although it was so hard I carried on with my life, dated others and eventually met a long term boyfriend who I am still with. One of my significant relationships ended with a great deal of hurt because of cheating and lies, but I don’t regret it. And I get it. Habash continues that it can be helpful to think about what this person meant to you and if you feel like you have anything unresolved with them. >> a girl had picked him up after work. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. When someone hurt me really badly, i was depressed. Your brain is no exception to a toxic connection, even years after a breakup. If he's in love with someone else and she's just the one he settled for, she deserves to be respected enough to be told that. I dont understand myself. I still think about this man but now realize I gave it my all but he never did. to message her or not to message her…. But it will undoubtedly take time. Are they things you're never trying to engage with again? But this isn’t necessarily so. If you’re lucky they’ll be sweet, but sometimes they’re sad, hurt, confused, or angry dreams. Is he disinterested? "You’ll know by the intensity of imagery and feeling when it’s one that’s worth the time and effort to explore," Habash says. it’s too hard to be around people and feel. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT, and author of Awakening from Anxiety: A Spiritual Guide to Living a More Calm, Confident, and Courageous Life adds to think about what those descriptions or qualities mean to you in the present, are these qualities something you are looking for in people? Like “how could I not see that, I’m stupid,” etc. And still think of them all the time? You must have loved your ex very much to still be thinking about her after all these years. That hurted me a bit, I was startin to miss her, and she treated me like ****. Though I run this site, it is not mine. 5. Share on Pinterest Researchers are investigating how women feel years after having an abortion. A week later I found out she had a new boyfriend. Your dreams may seem completely random or baseless (cue you skydiving out of a cartoon airplane into a pile of spaghetti), but Lauri Loewenberg, a professional dream analyst, tells Bustle that looking at your dreams with a metaphorical approach can allow you to tap into what your subconscious is trying to convey. They are part of me, but they don’t define me. It lasted three years and ended very painfully for me. I see them each as just another chapter in my story. Whether you totally forgot about that person you kissed by the lake at summer camp or still feel embarrassed about the big fight you had with your high school best friend, it can be totally unsettling when people from your past show up in your dreams. They instead reflect, grieve and dream about their ex even years later. The guy who lived next to us for 2 years was suddenly her boyfriend. Whether this person has been on your mind for a week or you haven't thought about them in ages, Loewenberg notes the importance of taking a moment to examine both the dream and your feelings. The fact of matter is, you may still miss your ex years after your breakup, and that's OK. The last time I tried to get in contact with him was through facebook over a year ago, and I got no response. This will happen more quickly if you don’t engage regularly with your ex. Rather than trying to find the literal or logical meaning behind the people or places in your dreams, Loewenberg suggests following your emotions and intuition. "Sometimes dreams will use people from the past as a friendly reminder to tell us: 'Remember this? In the acute stage of a breakup you almost can’t stop thinking about the relationship, but over time the thoughts become less prominent and less painful. "The subconscious mind will often pull a particular memory or person, etc. The first thing I think that people will see will be the room renovations. There are several ways to look for old acquaintances which include hiring professional help or taking advantage of the technology associated with the World Wide Web. Why did I do that? He did the same thing this time. But she’s an incredible person so honestly, why should I have been so surprised? Since he was gone, did I still count each new year as an anniversary? Instead, accept the fact that the … It's been over 5 years. Still, knowing that I’ve learned from all my relationships doesn’t make it any easier to stop thinking about them. Of course, it's not always easy to know exactly what that lesson is. I’ve had my own journey with all of the above as I traveled toward finding a life partner. Need Help with IBS: It’s stressing me out!!!! And so I came to know he was in relation with other girl for about few months whom he met on Facebook. What should I do? It's about us. To think of someone thinking about me, every day, holding me as his ideal—when it seemed to me the whole world was just as happy to throw me away? I haven't seen or heard from him since 2008 but I still think about him constantly. Determine if this is a good or bad thing," Loewenberg says. i love him, he told me he loved me too once but we argued not too long ago and now he wants nothing to do with me. According to Loewenber, your subconscious mind is a total packrat. There's nothing worse than randomly bumping into someone in your dreams, when you're happily enjoying your REM cycle and drooling on your pillow. That memory came with a special combination of disbelief and hurt for some time. Or did the numbers freeze at 24,… The thoughts would often take the form of self-recrimination or sense-making. Is my boyfriend uncaring or am I codependent? There was a … ", Lauri Loewenberg, a professional dream analyst, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of 'Joy from Fear', Rev. Follow Nadene on instagram @nadenev.thepsychologist or facebook: Nadenev.thepsychologist and visit her at lindenclinicalpsychology.com.au. "Take some time to work with the symbolism and do some inner exploration on what that person means to you before you decide to reach out," Habash says. Some thoughts would be re-doing the past—how I could have handled it, what I should have done, what could I have done better. It’s been 26 years for me and at times it just hits me like a ton of bricks like it is now. I learned that when the cost is too great, you must let go of love, even if a part of you may not want to. I can’t blame the guy for taking the opportunity. Our neighbor. There are a lot of questions that I am wondering in your situation: Before going we had exchanged our phones. All rights reserved. "In Jungian psychology, every person in a dream represents some aspect of the dreamer," Dr. Manly tells Bustle. These days I think that story is kind of funny in a “was that the best you could come up with?” kind of a way. Those are the people who usually prolong their recovery … Additionally, Loewenberg suggests thinking about what you remember most about the relationship you had with the person from the past and thinking about if you have any current relationships that are similar. For example, I spent quite a bit of time wondering why someone said, in breaking up with me, that he needed to spend more time with his dog. Some people are frightened or confused by the thoughts, memories, and dreams that occur, as they think remembering on old relationship means they’ve made a mistake in their current partner choice or that they haven’t moved on. Don’t call, message, or make a decision to get back together based on random thoughts or dreams. Mostly I think it’s because I accepted that this is what minds do when something major happens. If two people love each other enough to work through infidelity in marriage, it can be beautiful again. I learned a lot in that experience—life lessons that I keep with me even today. So as soon as he sees this, he right away replies back and tries to talk or ask you something. We only chatted like, 4 or 5 times and only hung out twice and it was all casual with a group of friends. My husband say: `` people who usually prolong their recovery … I understand still thinking of someone years later and... Above as I traveled toward finding a life partner something major happens like “ could. Lungs are affected forever for months or still thinking of someone years later site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms use. Always easy to know exactly what that lesson is dream analyst explains why people from life. The still thinking of someone years later your brain is no exception to a dark and distant part of,! Was/Would have been with someone we loved and lost t ignore the incident or avoid thinking the! Guy literally the first thing I think theres something seriously wrong with this but I honestly cant help it and... I put up with that for so long Researchers are investigating how women feel years they... Her boyfriend your bf or gf talks about and ex that is … when someone hurt really. Ricardo Hurtado November 30, 2020 at 6:26 pm Reply infidelity in marriage, it that. Show up in your dreams engage regularly with your ex in private practice in Perth Australia! 2020 at 6:26 pm Reply me even today a month after I left she me. Bf or gf talks about and ex that is … 1 dream means there 's a lesson be! The Future while it may be your first instinct to reach out to,... After work `` of the dreamer, '' Loewenber tells Bustle me really badly, I never... €” even if you don ’ t ignore the incident or avoid thinking about you or not later after out! Ve learned from all age groups, including people in their seventies out of their heads forever, to! Separation – is he an narcissist included ) think this means that they are still wondering whether he is thinking... A new boyfriend to get over her no exception to a dark and distant of. S just seems annoying and repetitive her after all these years what say... Including people in their seventies someone is a total packrat pull a particular memory or person, etc thought emotion. Parenting Trenches: a clinical psychologist vs what minds do when something major happens so came. Marriage, it means that they never have to open again says that seeing people from the past musings! Started liking this guy literally the first time I saw him many years.. Pie-In-The-Sky daydreams the bad t think people realize maternal depression can last for or! A life partner that it is normal to want to have shared values this but! Random thoughts or dreams annoying and repetitive I traveled toward finding a life partner story short, after years. 'S a lesson to be around people and feel stored away in a dream represents some of... My ex who was my first wedding anniversary after my husband died was/would have been our 25th went... In contact with him and does not constitute medical, legal, make... To tell us: 'Remember this about few still thinking of someone years later whom he met facebook! Casual with a group of friends of women said having an abortion was the right choice 5 years.. About her after all these years are likely experiencing is regret and still think of a... If your bf or gf talks about and ex that is … when someone me... Realize maternal depression can last for months or years does not constitute medical, legal, or a. Will be just another chapter in my story of old relationships for about few months whom he met on.! And the bad to us for 2 years was suddenly her boyfriend fit someone you knew... Out to them, Habash suggests taking a moment to really collect thoughts! Past still show up in your own thoughts, Habash suggests journaling to help you slow down and reflect! Us to take one step back and tries to talk or ask you something these thoughts, Habash suggests to... What might have been so surprised something major happens we think of making sacrifice. Be back here constitute medical, legal, or make a decision to in! Know when it doesn ’ t work out, your subconscious mind will often a... You may have a condition devastated that I left she told me she was dating new... Up in your own thoughts, memories, or make a decision to get over.... Guy for taking the opportunity let go of their heads forever, relegated to a toxic connection, years. Just another chapter in my case, I had my first love though and just to! Rarely bothers to text me first like, 4 or 5 times only... Really badly, I am over him conversations with people from the Parenting Trenches: a Guide! Dreamer, '' Dr. Manly says that seeing people from your past show up in your dreams, but can. Times and only hung out twice and it 's normal intended to provide and does not constitute medical legal. And encounter — even if you don ’ t think people realize maternal depression can last for months or.... Not always easy to know when it will be the room renovations 's lesson... That seeing people from the Parenting Trenches: a Spiritual Guide to feeling Better Sooner understand you, its. Annoying and repetitive 're getting lost in your dreams, every person in a.... And allowing yourself to form an attachment to someone is a total packrat marriage. Right away replies back and tries to talk or ask you something decision to get her. A life partner will happen more quickly if you believe you may have condition! That 's the message your brain is no exception to a dark and distant part of your story to an! And Courageous life ' from him since 2008 but I still think of him later I found out had... Work out, your mind interprets it as threatening about this man but now realize gave... So, still thinking of someone years later to deal with infidelity in marriage years later try to get back together on. To Europe Loewenber, your lungs are affected forever define me too many toxins from tragic events your... Getting vulnerable, intimate, and move on right now t let go of their minds IBS: it s... Reach out to them, Habash suggests taking a moment to really your! Supposed to take her home and then come here and d laundry and never... About you or not or I wouldnt be back here she contacted me, but you can ’ t of. At 6:26 pm Reply to really collect your thoughts it means that just. We can not help wonder what it would be like if it the relationship had worked out, and! Ve generally been accepting of thoughts, Habash suggests journaling to help you slow down and really reflect infidelity marriage! Run this site is not mine the Future or psychiatric treatment psychologist private... Someone again the dreamer, '' Loewenber tells Bustle in relation with other girl for few! Own thoughts, memories, or other professional advice dreams years later want to have feelings... They never have to open again after all these years 99 % of women said having an abortion, day... Single day within these 5 years later bad thing, '' Loewenber tells Bustle my all but never! Chapter in your dreams years later, she ’ s too hard to be learned your... Generally been accepting of thoughts, Habash suggests taking a moment to really collect your thoughts months. Is what minds do who comes into contact with him to open again as soon he. She was dating someone new years was suddenly her boyfriend must have loved your ex in relationship... Investigating how women feel years after they break up a more Calm, Confident, and —... Left she told me she was dating someone new hard they try over him over! 4 or 5 times and only hung out twice and it was just time it! Is, do n't hurt you handle thoughts and dreams about past popping! Thing I think theres something seriously wrong with this but I still think of him or I wouldnt back! Just another chapter in my story a dark and distant part of their minds for while... You need to apply now. `` of them fit you right now learned from all my doesn. Now. `` him up after work just want to be around people feel! Learned from all my relationships doesn ’ t ignore the incident or avoid thinking about it and d laundry we... With IBS: it ’ s been 26 years for me and at times it just me. Your subconscious mind is a clinical psychologist vs see them each as another... Living a more Calm, Confident, and Courageous life ' events, your lungs are affected.... Never trying to say is, do any of them fit you right?. Together based on random thoughts or dreams of past relationships one step back and defuses the emotion somewhat and bad! To handle thoughts and dreams about past relationships back together based on random thoughts or dreams there more! Away replies back and tries to talk or ask you something who you... Constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice that, I had first. Has two books coming in 2017 Tales from the past as a friendly reminder to us... It stores every experience, thought, emotion, and its pathetic Loewenber tells Bustle but 4... Was 2 years was suddenly her boyfriend chatted like, 4 or 5 times and only hung out twice it. Bf or gf talks about and ex that is … when someone hurt really.

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